13 Things About Me
It has been suggested that the casual visitor to this site might like to know a few things about me, so I intended to draft some kind of C.V. to go here. But I hate C.V.s, so for now, could you just make do with this?
All of the following things about me are TRUE apart from one.
If you think you know which one of the statements below is FALSE, please contact me with your assertion. There is no prize, but if we ever meet I shall be able to modify my behaviour to suit your pre-conceptions and make you feel insightful and intelligent. It’s a win-win.
- Cutting my toenails makes me want to pass out.
- I have an imaginary room that I write in – have done for years. Currently, it is over the best cafe in London.
- I don’t understand why both my children hate and fear my favourite childhood toy, Jacko. One of them had the cheek to say “I don’t like that horrible, ugly, old monkey” and it was all I could do not to snap back “Well he doesn’t like you either.”
- I am not the sort of woman that keeps her childhood toys on her bed. Jacko lives in the airing cupboard.
- A very chic black teddy bear from Sonia Rykiel lives near to the bed though.
- I am a very anti-social drinker and drunken people really bore me.
- I do love drinking alone though, and also drinking at work – I put this second trait down to early journalistic training.
- My women friends are all amazing. But on the whole, the older I get, the more I think women in general are idiots and if I ruled the world I would happily deny them a vote.
- I wish I’d got the Gwen Arts Co-Op to take polaroids of me in a Jane-Birkin-for-Lui style (i.e. chained to the radiator in a pair of long socks) when I was young and in my prime.
- I can drag any conversation on the woeful state of the nation round to the evils of the housing market.
- When I heard that my old landlord (the one who tried to shove me down a staircase when I was pregnant) had suffered a heart attack I laughed until I cried. I expect this is bad, but I can only feel an intellectual repentance.
- I wish I’d been baptised Catholic, and if anyone reading this is ever with me when I’m at death’s door, please call a priest along with (if not before) an ambulance.
- I can snack on a family pack of Mars bars followed by a bag of chicken flavoured crisps and feel no pain.