Giving Up, Giving In: The Last Time
Our group met for the second time on Monday. We were armed with our prescriptions and ‘letters of referral’, which will be cashed in for our various aids. I’ve chosen patches and gum.
Next Monday will be Quit Day. It’s up to us what time we choose to stop: the only rule is that none of us are smoking on Tuesday. I’ll have my last fag outside the door at 11:55am, and then I’ll cling to noon to survive the next few days. Using patches and gum again, I’m pretty sure that I will think in hours – ‘Haven’t had a fag in 38 hours – another six to go, and it’s a whole two days’. From my last attempt I remember that it feels like climbing, and it’s very hard work.
In these final days of smoking, I’m trying to change my habits a little, so that everything will feel slightly off-balance next week, rather than everything the same, bar one overwhelming absence. I’m trying to remember to eat breakfast; I’ve started to drink tea again; I’m making a pot of coffee rather than a cup; I’ve changed the location of my desk and the layout of the things upon it. I’ve pulled out of storage a number of maxi-dresses and midi skirts, so that I have different clothes to think about in the mornings. And best of all, I’ve started a Pilates class.
I love Pilates. My teacher immediately and correctly assessed me as having ‘good shoulders, tight hamstrings and no rear’. I enjoy the postures, but I struggle with the breathing. I find it extremely hard to breathe in – perhaps because I see breathing in as synonymous with inhaling, and thus a waste of time without a cigarette in the mouth – but the teacher assures us that breathing falls into place after six weeks or so, and I am hopeful.
Pilates feels wonderful – like ballet (without the jetés), and a tiny bit like yoga (but mercifully without any hippy nonsense). I like my classmates too – many of them are former dancers and have dance-related injuries or wear-and-tear which they are thrillingly stoic about. I am hoping to be thrillingly stoic over the next few weeks. We shall see.
click here for loose hamstrings and a very good rear …